Found this free-write when I was in a really happy place in my life and posting this in hopes of going back to there.
Sometimes I feel the world is so ripe and full with potential and I get so excited that I’m alive. It usually happens around dusk, the hours where the sun is setting and the moon is starting to materialize above us. I slip between those two moments in time. I get so caught up in things. things I have to do, loans I have to pay, things I need, things I want. I get so caught up that I feel weighed down and forget that life is just me and God and the people I love.
I drive around sometimes just for the fun of it. Tonight was one of those nights, with all the windows down in my car and my wet hair drying in the wind, my music up high – “start a fire in my soul.” There’s a fire in my soul when the night is warm and the moon is a massive golden crater kissing the stars in the sky. When it matches the street lights blinking around me. I know what I have to do tomorrow, but right now the moment is forever and I feel free.
It’s times like those that I want to do something crazy. I want to never say that I am ordinary.
I want to damn the consequence and call him on the phone and drive around the darkening streets with my windows down and laugh and thank God for a life that can be so spontaneous and special that it takes my breath away, that I’m simply driving down a road because I can. I can. I want to share it with him but I’m am terrified of the potential I can feel on this kinetic night, scared to squeeze every last drop of possibility from the velvet sky because it feels so wonderful just to float in it and think of the what-ifs.
So for now I will leave it at the what ifs and what if we held hands and walked down moonlit brick paths in the heavy dark air and were anything but ordinary, drove until we were lost and sat on the hood of my rusty car while staring up at heaven and wondering how anything could possibly be better up there, but knowing that it is.
Smiling smiles and dancing dances that let us know we are not alone in this tiny world where streets that we see every day are magic depending on who you’re not alone on them with.
I am always reaching for the stars with stars in my eyes, hoping I never reach them and hoping I will.