No, that’s not one of the thought provoking quotes that I usually begin with. What gave you the hint?
Usually when you hear strange noises from downstairs at night, it’s your cat. But 99% of the time you think it’s an axe-murderer. So when I heard the crackling sounds from inside our kitchen at midnight, I slipped out of bed as quietly as I could to investigate. And of course save my household from the imminent perils of axe murderers, etc.
Ready to combat the perilous weapon-wielding doer of evil, I flicked the kitchen lights on, and there was my cat, in the middle of the wooden floor, with a bag stuck on its head.
Bet you didn’t see that one coming, did you?
Ok, so you did. Anyway, I do not know what possessed her to attempt to inhabit a plastic grocery bag for her bedding of choice, but whatever did, the result left me laughing at her for a good ten minutes. Wait, don’t judge me like that. Don’t pretend you were doing anything better on a Sunday night. I say don’t pretend because you probably actually were doing something better.
I think when cats get into ridiculous scenarios, they’re the funniest members of the entire animal kingdom. If a dog got a bag stuck on its head, it would probably just paw it away until it came off. A squirrel would just slip out of it, a bird would probably fly away, and mostly every other animal probably wouldn’t encounter one in the first place. But cats, the notoriously graceful creatures, try to play it off like they meant for it to happen.
My cat: Oh, yes, this polyethylene decoration adorning my body? This is fully intentional. I’m just going to sit casually down on this couch and wash my leg and maybe NRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH, I mean, excuse me. What? No, no, I wasn’t trying to remove this beautiful material from my neck, I was only getting more comfortable, maybe I’ll get more comfortable by squeezing through this tight space MMMMMMMMMMMMRRRRRRRRRRRRRRFFFFFF oh pardon me. Why did I just run frantically behind the television cabinet and nearly destroy all of your carefully arranged drapery? I do that occasionally. For sport of course. I think I’m going to run in circles now NRGH MRNGH NERK because that’s something I wanted to do and obviously I’m not trying to remove this crinkling plastic object that is only partially obscuring my vision. I like it this way, brings some spontaneity into my life.
Needless to say I am a terrible person and let her figure her own way out of her predicament as I sat there and laughed hysterically at her misfortune. I think that cats are the only animals, aside from people, that are capable of showing embarrassment. Like people, they’re supposed to have their lives together, but when something happens that betrays the fact that they don’t, they pretend that everything’s cool. And this is one of the reasons I like cats better than dogs.