I used to be able to study for hours on end, locked into some obscure corner of my house where no one could disturb me; my closet, the garage, my brother’s old room. I would tell myself, once you’re done, you can eat that bowl of ice cream, watch your show on TV, hang out with friends. And pretty much without fail, it would work. I would study and do my work with no breaks, then finish and reward myself with whatever I had planned.
Well, why can’t I do that now? That was in high school. Ever since I started college, my mindset seems to have reversed.
Study later. Because now, there’s a meeting. Now there’s a club event happening. Now your friends are playing video games. Now there’s that author speaking, now there’s a pick-up soccer game, now you’re going out to dinner, now there’s a party. Or even between class, well, class is in thirty minutes so I don’t have time to study.
It just doesn’t work anymore. Before, I knew if I finished my work, there was a set structure: I would finish, enjoy the rest of my day, and go to school again the next day and have the exact same classes over and over again. It was the routine of the thing that worked.
Now, class is three times, twice, once a week. Study later. Because there’s something fun to do now.
And when you don’t study later, and get your grade back, well – was it worth it? That dauntingly low grade staring back at you? Before, you knew that if you got good grades, you’d get to go to the college of your dreams and have the best four years of your life. Well, if you get good grades in college, then what? You might get the job of your dreams. But your grades might not even matter.
I have a midterm in twenty minutes. Is it really going to affect my future career if I can recite the complexities of an Oedipal Complex in regards to post-modernist thinking?
Maybe, maybe not. And while I’m studying, instead of studying, that’s what I find myself thinking about.
– On a completely unrelated note, I’ve been trying to figure out how to get links formatted into the sidebar, but coming up empty, so for now, here’s a link to my other blog/website.